When Being Chosen Becomes an Obsession

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My Dearest Daughters,

Jacob loved Rachel. He worked seven years for her hand in marriage. And on the wedding night, deceived by Laban, he woke up married to Leah instead. Scripture tells us plainly — he loved Rachel more. Leah spent her marriage visibly, publicly, the less-preferred wife, through no fault of her own.

Centuries later, Paul would write, "Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God?" (Galatians 1:10). He was writing about his calling, but the principle reaches straight into Leah's story, and into ours: there is real danger in building our worth around whether someone chooses, prefers, or approves of us.

Where This Shows Up in Real Life

  • The wife who feels like the "second choice" in her own marriage.
  • The friend who always tries harder and still feels like an afterthought.
  • The daughter who has spent years trying to earn a parent's approval that never fully comes.

🛡️ Mum Tips: Stepping Out of the Approval Trap

  • Notice where you're still trying to "earn" someone's love. Leah's early story shows us what striving for human approval looks like from the inside.
  • Separate being unchosen by a person from being unseen by God. They are not the same thing, even when they feel identical.
  • Let Paul's question sit with you honestly: are you trying to win human approval, or walk securely with God?

💭 Reflection Questions

  1. Have you ever tried to earn someone's love the way Leah did — through effort, achievement, or giving more than you receive?
  2. Where do you notice yourself still chasing a person's approval instead of resting in God's?
  3. What would change if you stopped orienting your identity around being someone's first choice?

A Final Word

Daughters, being unchosen by a person is a real and painful thing. But it was never the end of Leah's story, and it isn't the end of yours either.

(This is Week 5 of our Crowned & Confident journey — Episode 17 of 104. Watch this week's teaching on our YouTube channel [https://www.youtube.com/@crownedandconfident2026 ]. Join our community Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/share/1AsjUo7P2L/ to discuss it with your sisters!)

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